Tuesday, June 22, 2010

pain isn't interesting

This is partially a moan, but also just an observation.

The world of blogs reflects real life, the most read blogs are either on popular topics or very well written. When you narrow it down to health related topics, it's very revealing.

If you get cancer, or your kid gets cancer, you are carrying a baby with a fatal diagnosis - bad stuff, horrible stuff that I wouldn't wish on anyone - and you blog about it, whether you already had a blog or not, then people read it and people comment on it and if you are blessed with the skill of writing then you may have more followers than you ever imagined. I don't begrudge anyone any of those followers, but it reveals a truth that dicing with death is something that interests a lot of people.

I've followed blogs of unborn babies with fatal diagnoses, but once that baby has died, after a few weeks it undeniably drops lower down my list of things to read if I have time, but the grief isn't gone for the blogger, it's only just beginning. The statistics reveal that I'm not the only one.

Joints that need surgery are a lot more interesting than joints that don't, pain that comes from a dramatic accident is more interesting than pain from other sources.

My hip pain is boring, so boring that I'm bored of it, I rarely talk about it and I've got so used to it that as long as it remains within some boundaries I forget about the adaptations I've made and the things I don't do, but now I realise the consequences of that aren't great, I've not been thankful for the many things I have been able to do recently, but I've also been neglectful, it's not news to me that my body needs more than just time to recover from pregnancy and a c-section, I knew I needed to do physical therapy and I can't just blame the fact that I didn't on depression.

If I bother to listen, I know my body an awful lot better than I've been acting recently. To have a flare up of pain in my hip that other than immediately post surgery is the worst I've had since surgery or even in the year before it is not something I could have predicted, but I could have and should have predicted that something would happen, that the relative well being of my joints, muscles and ligaments was not because I was managing my body well.

Getting to a point where I needed crutches to get to the bathroom has presented me with a much bigger task to get to a manageable place because now I don't just have to deal with muscle weakness and imbalance with a moderate amount of pain thrown in, I know have to do it with severe pain and I also have to find someone who can help me do that, there are a lot of physical therapists around, but they all have areas they are more experienced in and hypermobility, hips and postpartum isn't something I currently have a good contact for, the best I did work with has relocated!