Friday, October 30, 2009

Still surviving

The way I feel is kind of a mixed bag, I still feel pretty close to tears a lot of the time, yet I'm also able to smile and laugh and enjoy a conversation. I'm completely exhausted, despite Grace having returned to her usual sleeping through the night, it seems like sleeping at night isn't restorative.

I got a massage this morning, I'd scheduled it as a desperate attempt to try and reduce pain levels, but I was still surprised just how tight and tender some bits of me were. I think that's kind of reassuring that even if my depression is affecting my pain by causing bits of me to tense up easily, it probably isn't affecting my perception of pain, considering how tender some bits were I was surprised that I hadn't been experiencing much worse pain. I paid for 4 sessions and plan to go weekly for 4 weeks to see if I can break the cycle.

We have an event at preschool tonight, the fall festival, it's their alternative to halloween, though still too close for my tastes, too many smiling pumpkins for comfort - it's interesting just how strong symbolism can be, I don't know how long I've known about the meaning behind a carved pumpkin, but it's so strong for me that I'm always uncomfortable seeing one, or any kind of representation of a pumpkin and a face, so despite not celebrating halloween Banana Girl's classroom was decorated with several different pumkins decorations, most of which had faces on them.

We've taught Sausage Boy about what a Jack 0'Lantern is but have allowed him to go to a party at school today, they went to a pumpkin patch yesterday and chose a pumpking and they are doing something with them today, which is supposed to be a surprise, so it will be interesting to see what he does as once he believes something he's very strong with them and not ashamed to proclaim them.

This gives us a lot of responsiblity as parents, one issue we've had to deal with is the pledge of allegience, how to explain to him why we don't want him saying it, but also to be respectful to others, as for us, it's not just that we're not Americans (and you could argue that we choose to live her, so should support it), but we feel that pledging allegience to a flag is verging on idolatory. I also feel uncomfortable with the words "under God", to say that with full meaning should be a big deal for anyone, so the practice of saying it daily in school is not one I support.

The next issue could be veterans' day assembly, I've nothing at all against veterans' day, but I have a hard time processing that with regards to current conflicts, I prefer the British name of Rememberance Day and I'm a big fan of the two minutes silence. I know they are trying to have current/recent veterans there, so we really know nothing about what will be said and he's pretty much unaware of current conflicts, the school's idea of what is appropriate for a 6 year old might be quite different to ours.

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