Monday, October 19, 2009

Monday

Well, I got home to a message on the answer machine, left just minutes earlier from my psychiatrist saying she is dropping me. I'm making myself a shell and just letting it bounce off and trying not to care. In many ways, the fact she drops me just now is probably proof that she's not the right doctor for me and it actually makes it easier for me to justify changing doctors, which I was planning to do anyway.

What's really frustrating is after meeting with the doctor at the hospital, she wanted me to stay with my current doctor and keep my appointment this week, even though it would mean missing some of the treatment time. I think at least she should have carried on until I had found another doctor.

It also bothers me that if she can't cope with me and can't recognise that until a time of crisis, then should she really be practicing psychiatry at all? My crises have actually been very minor when you consider the grand scheme of things in mental health.

I'm still in two minds on the day program, part of me sees that I can learn useful stuff there, but part of me says you can't fix me, you can't suddenly take away my physical pain, or my daytime sleepiness, you can't suddenly make looking after three kids easier, which at the moment, regardless of depression, seems just a little bit too much, though I'm tantilising close, which is frustrating.

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