My last post must have scared a few people, I'm choosing not to read any comments right now and to stay grounded in the real world.
God is very good, I took the info that Seroquel might cause paranoia and it gave me hope. I'd love to turn to God more easily, but in His great wisdom, He knew that wasn't what was going to save me last night and I praise Him that He did save me - Christians do commit suicide and regardless of how we die, in the end, only God knows whether they are sheep or goats (see Matthew 25).
Stuff happened this evening, good stuff and I am deeply thankful for the people that helped that happen and to their families who were left to manage without them.
We also got home to find messages on the phone about cancelled appointments with the new psychiatrist, so I'll see her tomorrow rather than Monday.