I've been looking through my past blog posts and it's clear that anxiety has been a bigger problem than I've realised, so I'll be sure to mention that to the relevant people over the next few days.
Today seems to have been a day full of anxiety, for various reaons I wasn't able to go to church, which meant I was home with Grace for about 4 hours. Now I'm feeling anxious about tomorrow.
I'm not quite sure what will happen, usually the day will begin at 9.30, but tomorrow I have to be there at 9, but I think I see a nurse to do intake stuff, not a psychiatrist, but it seems that I will see one at some point, it would be silly if I didn't, as this treatment means I've had to cancel my appointment with my psychiatrist.
I'm trying to view it as treatment, rather like chemo for cancer, rather than failure, but it's hard to do that, because mental illness is so tied up with who you are and your personality. A different personality might deal with it better, a different life situation might make recovery easier etc.
I'm really grateful to friends who are helping to make this work, but equally hurt by the odd comment here and there and struggling with coping with the demands friends and family are making on me for me to do this program, though I'm not sure what they'd do otherwise as not agreeing to do or not do a handful of things doesn't suddenly qualify you for inpatient treatment.