Friday, January 2, 2009

not liking where I am right now

I'm having a hard time at the moment with how I feel about this pregnancy, I've really started physically feeling it in the last few days, not just feeling movements, but just being so much more aware on the effect my enlarged belly has on the rest of my body. In all honestly physically I do feel basically fine, but it's the awareness of changes and what they develop into that I think is contributing to me feeling this way.

Of course feeling like this makes me feel guilty! I still feel it's way too soon to really start thinking about baby and attempting to soothe myself with positive baby thoughts just tips me into negative thinking about how long it will be and all the unknowns between now and then.

I suspect I'll probably feel a bit better, or rather a bit more distracted when January finally gets going and of course then I'll probably feel exhausted by business, but right now I'd rather feel that way!

By the end of the month things could potentially feel quite busy. I have quilt retreat 22nd-25th, which will be my last in a long time, at least two years I suspect, though if we are still nursing at that point, I don't think I'll want to jeopodise it - Runner Bean will be a bit past 18 months in January 2011, WHO recommends 2 years and I'm definitely aiming for this, Sausage Boy nursed until I got pregnant with Banana Girl, which was around 17 months, I intended to nurse her longer but stubborn thing that she is, she had her own desires and rather unusually self weaned at 18 months, health wise, she would really have benefitted from a 2nd winter, she'd been a picture of health to that point and was sick within 3 weeks of stopping and it lasted for ages.

Then the following weekend, I'm off to San Jose for a dance competition, I just confirmed today that this will definitely be a road trip, which I think suits me just fine! According to Google Maps, is 839 miles, so it's a long trip and I'm not quite sure if the plan is to actually stop overnight, or just take it in turns with the driving. With petrol costs it's not going to be much difference in price to flying, but that isn't really the point, it's the fun of a road trip, though if the weather is bad the whole time it won't be much fun, I'm hoping that we'll actually get to see something out the windows!

I'm also looking forward to going to ballet class again, I haven't been since early December. I'm hoping that ballet is something I'll be able to do most of the way through as there isn't that much where bump should get in the way and it's easy to modify, until it gets to the jumps, but I really have no problem with leaving class early!

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