Thursday, November 13, 2008

Decisons...

I'm having a really dilemma right now about care for this pregnancy. In the end it comes down to probabilities, which are almost impossible to put a finger on.

I know two things, I have absolutely no intention of having a vaginal birth in hospital, this is both a psyhcological thing and a personal view of birth. First of my last hospital birth was so horrific, I think I'd freak out and lose the plot and the very idea of birthing in hospital, let alone actually doing it. I also feel that going into hospital and exposing yourself to things like continuous monitoring is opening up a big can of worms unnecessarily.

Problem is, I've planned homebirths twice before and both times ended up in hospital, which leaves me not all that confident of it working out this time and I'm fearful of putting all my hopes on to that, then something changing and that not being an option and having to transfer to an unfamiliar hospital, unfamiliar doctor etc.

On the otherhand, I really do not want to get prenatal care from a doctor, I don't like all that medicalisation and don't want to have to fight battles all the way about not getting lots of the tests they want. Even if I was certain now this would end in an elective c-section I still wouldn't want prenatal care from a doctor. However there are variables when having a c-section, I really want to have the opportunity to express my opinions on those and discuss them with a doctor, rather than take pot luck at the end - all of which is rather a clash of needs and I'm completely stuck as to what to do.

I think in the end, that for now, I have to put this on hold, progression of the pregnancy will probably give me a better idea of the chances of a good outcome and I don't need to have these things settled now. It's just had for me to stick to that, I generally like to fix things to know what is going on, to have my plans all worked out.

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