....would be a good description of how I feel right now. Fair enough tiredness is normal at this stage, but it does make me feel guilty about how that impacts the rest of the family.
We had brunch at woman's bible study this morning and a couple of people shared testimonies, both of them were born into horrific family situations, it's amazing to see how God has work through that and brought them to where they are now, but I could help but hear the devastating effect actions of their parents and possibly grandparents impacted the next generations. It would be easy to get all cosy and thing well at least I'm not an alcoholic, but I flipped to thinking the opposite way, how much is my behaviour now, and in the past, effecting my kids? Apparently one of the women had seen Nathanael last week and asked him how Mummy was and he had just kind of shrugged his shoulders.
Today when I picked them up from preschool/kindergarten, it was all I could do to stay awake driving the car. By the time we got home, I was in no state to start thinking about the contents of their school bags - get there coats hung up, lunch bags in the kitchen and school bags in their homes was about it. Thankfully Sausage Boy announced he had only one piece of paper in his bag, it was a letter from a girl in his class, at which point I did have the sense to ask him to show it to me and it really was just a note she'd sent him, it could have been an invite or something, but Banana Girl's bag is bulging - I do feel her teacher is sending home a bit too much paperwork, the arts and crafts she's done is fine, but she sends home a full newsletter every week (Banana Girl is only there for 2 days!), which might have some essential information buried deep within it. Add in that we get fundraisers (we always get two copies), school newsletter (same problem), homework (for BG, not SB) and I'm really losing the plot and feeling like a bad parent!
One of the activities Banana Girl got sent home was all about propositions - great, of course she should learn those, but personally I don't think formal learning is the way to teach that to a 3 year old, but by continual repetition of them in day to day activities, despite being a late talker, she knew them all anyway, I don't feel the need to cut out pictures and have her stick them places to prove that!