Saturday, October 18, 2008

yuck, sickness

This sickness is hard - though I'd exchange nausea for some of the pain I experienced last pregnancy any day, but even so it's still hard, the worst bit is the feeling that you might actually lose it an throw up simply via gravity, bending over to fold laundry was not good!

The lack of control isn't great either, as well as nausea, I seem to have lost control of my body temperature, this has happened in my other pregnancies too. This afternoon at dance class, I came over all funny, like a hot flush and feeling nauseous too, I chose to try and cover it up and push through it, when really I wanted to go and stand outside. Given it was a joke at the studio that made me realise getting a pregnancy test was a good idea, I wasn't risking another potential "well you know what causes sickness....".

Sausage Boy has been doing a good job at keeping quiet, though apparently one of the older girls at dancing asked him something about did he have a baby in his family and he didn't know what to say as he seemed to feel neither yes or no was correct and he said something about her having to ask his mummy if there was a baby in her tummy, I wasn't there, but the next class he pointed her out to me and thankfully it isn't any of the girls that I know or would cross paths with, or as far as I know someone who's friendly with anyone who knows me as anything more than a random face. There are a few girls there who do know me as not just Sausage Boy's mum, but as a dancer and might put two and two together.

Banana Girl doesn't have the conversational skills to share the information, though she's clear on the fact there is a baby in my tummy, however she seems to think there is one in hers too, so how much she really understands is hard to tell!

I'm trying hard not to think about the birth too much, there is a heck of a lot of fear in my head surrounding that and I think in part how the pregnancy goes will effect a lot how the birth unfolds, but there is still a lot more information that I could find out, but it's hard to draw out the facts, Ehlers Danlos Syndrome does have an effect on expected outcomes, premature rupture or membranes is more common for example, as is damage to the pelvic floor and related structures. Most current medical advice is that if you have anything more than minor damage down there to have a c-section anyway, because their is a risk of making things worse, particularly if it turns out to be a difficult second stage, but it's still fairly small and as far as I can tell it's only details about actual tears that have been studies rather than longer term functional consequences, I had a neat 2nd degree tear, but have damage and function more comparable to a 3rd or even 4th degree tear, as I understand it, because the tissue underneath was torn but the outer skin mostly stretched, so it wasn't connected to the surface and thus not diagnosed, or repaired at the time - repair or 3rd and 4th deg tears is about long term function as much as it's about short term wound healing or infection control.

But given a c-section would be recommended anyway, it's hard to tease out if based on the Ehlers Danlos Syndrome that would be a stronger or lesser recommendation and there are a heck of a lot of factors to consider. I know that if it were only this type of damage to consider, that without EDS, on the information available to me, I'd not choose to have a c-section, which would be atypical, but as others who've made the same decision have said, they'd rather take the 10-20% risk of things getting worse than the guaranteed major surgery - but I might make a different decision if 10-20% was 50% or another number.

I don't even know who can really help me with this area, I had seen a physical therapist who worked with me on these issues, even before I got pregnant I'd been wondering about going back to her as I had felt things were worsening, she might be able to help me wade through things. I also saw a reconstructive gynaecologist to get a full diagnosis of what was going on, even though I didn't mention more children she said I should have a c-section, but because I wasn't thinking of having more I didn't quiz her much, so I don't know if based on exactly what she saw that was a very conventional medical view, or whether she thought my current damage was bad, or risk higher or anything. I could go back to her, but I don't really know if she could tell me anything more.

I also don't want to make any decisions early as I want to be open minded about this and be able to stay with my midwives, I think they are going to be a lot better for me for pregnancy care than an obstetrician, but if I decide early on we're going the c-section route, it would be hard for them to keep me, they know already that I probably wouldn't risk going into labour with a baby anything but perfectly positioned and have access to doctors for if that situation occurs, but want to work with me right through the 3rd trimester to make sure that doesn't happen.

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