Friday, October 10, 2008

Where I'm at

Physically I'm sat on my bed, fairly wide awake at 2:49am. I'm a night owl anyway, but this is crazy, I'd like to be asleep, but sleeping tablets at this stage of pregnancy are a no no. Narcolepsy is a funny thing, people have usually heard of it in that context, a medical reason why some people fall asleep in odd places at odd times. But the truth is, that's not a true representation of how narcolepsy effects people, even a lot of doctors don't realise that a significant proportion of people with narcolepsy have problems sleeping at night time, I'm often asked why I take sleeping tablets by doctors other than my primary doctor and sleep specialist. I take them because if I don't, I don't get much sleep and since I started meds to combat the day time sleepiness, I've needed them even more.

So now I can take neither, which means I don't have many weapons against the tiredness I'll feel tomorrow (or today, in fact!), particularly as I'll try and avoid caffeine to give myself a fighting chance of sleeping tomorrow night.

The worst thing is, when I'm tired, I'm irritable, I become the world's worst mum, I try and get them to stop talking even when they are talking quite pleasantly simply because I can't process all that information coming at me! Then I hate myself for it.

I do have an idea, I realised I don't allocate time just to listen, I'm listening as a drive, or as I make lunch, I really ought to be able to figure out time to just listen, I'd also like to carve out time for individual time with each child. I naturally get it with Banana Girl because she's only in two day preschool, but given she has a tendancy to dedicate some of our mornings to screaming because she's not at preschool it rather spoils it, but I'm finally noticing that since Sausage Boy has started kindergarten, we're not getting much of that, I think I need to arrange a date with him!

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